Melanie Nicolaides was the youngest of three children and, by all accounts, grew up in a loving, supportive Greek family that split their time between Canada and their homeland of Cyprus in the Mediterranean.
The mother of three was brutally stabbed to death just under two years ago by her estranged husband during a murder-suicide in Calgary.
“She became the victim of domestic violence,” said her brother, Demetrios Nicolaides, the MLA for Calgary–Bow and Alberta’s education minister.
“The kindest soul, the kindest person ever.”
Nicolaides joined Global Edmonton’s morning news on Wednesday to talk about the deeply personal issue of domestic partner violence.
“She did everything right, you know, she did everything that was asked of her: sought out an emergency protection order, followed all the legal processes.”
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But her ex broke his bail conditions and ignored the emergency protection order several times, Nicolaides said.
Melanie was 40 years old when she was killed on Jan. 16, 2024.
“Unfortunately, it ended with the loss of her life.
“I never in a million years would have thought that something like this would happen to her.”
Sadly, it’s an all-too-common occurrence. The statistics are shocking and disheartening: every 48 hours, a woman or girl is violently killed in Canada.
3:45
How emergency protection orders can help victims of domestic violence
Gender-based violence is an issue that can affect any household — it doesn’t discriminate. The signs aren’t always visible either. Nicolaides said his sister was a proud woman, not one to ask for help or reveal how difficult her situation was.
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“Didn’t see big warning signs in terms of, you know, behaviour between the two of them. You knew things were challenging, and that manifested as they were seeking a divorce.
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“But things just seemed to escalate incredibly quickly.”
In reflecting, Nicolaides said even if he had seen warning signs, his sister, wanting to uphold a strong image and not appear to be a victim, would likely have dismissed or downplayed them.
“We have to take those warning signs incredibly seriously. If anyone knows someone that’s in a similar type of situation, I think it’s very important that the rest of the family and the broader community is involved, is there to help and support in whatever way that they can.”
Nicolaides said far too often, the focus is on what the victim needs to do to save themselves, but instead, the conversation needs to shift to far earlier.
“A lot of times, you know, women are being asked to do more, right? To move out, to find a different place to live, to change jobs, to do all of these things differently — which doesn’t really help the situation,” Nicolaides said.
“But I do think we need to focus more on the men and the boys in these circumstances and talking to them from a young age, and making sure that we have a better understanding as well in society about what the hallmarks of a healthy relationship are.”
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“What a unhealthy and toxic relationship looks like, so that we can be more aware as a society generally about some of these warning signs.”
Nicolaides noted he’s heard many stories of abusers ignoring the emergency protection orders intended to keep the victim safe.
“I’ve heard more circumstances where individuals will violate them and there’s no real consequences associated with them.”
2:08
‘Protecting Victims Act’: Federal Liberals unveil sweeping changes to Criminal Code
The federal government is working to address that by making changes to Canada’s Criminal Code to treat killings driven by control, hate, sexual violence or exploitation as first-degree murder.
The proposed law is called the ‘Protecting Victims Act,’ and among the changes it would tackle is femicide — murder motivated by hate against women, Justice Minister Sean Fraser said on Tuesday.
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“We specifically will be creating a constructive first-degree murder charge where certain factors are present when a murder takes place, including a murder that is motivated by hate, including murder that takes place during the commission of a sexual offence, and including murder that follows a pattern of coercive and controlling behaviour,” he said.
For more on Nicolaides’ story and his family’s plan to hike Mount Kilimanjaro in Melanie’s honour to raise awareness and funds for domestic violence prevention in Alberta, watch the video above.
For 22 years, Global Edmonton has been raising awareness — and much-needed funds — for those fleeing domestic violence through our Give Me Shelter campaign. This interview is aims to help raise awareness of the issues, how to support survivors and what needs to change.
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