The question came from Penny, but it’s one I hear time and time again:
“I struggle with intimidation and a nonapproachable effect. I’m tall, high contrast, and have a classic, dramatic look. Lately I’ve been dressing in muted tones and low contrast to seem more approachable – but it feels less like me.”
First, let me say this clearly:
You don’t have to shrink yourself—visually or energetically—to be approachable.
It’s a common story. Women with bold colouring, taller frames, or striking features often hear that they’re “too much.” And when they try to soften their style to make others more comfortable, they end up feeling invisible – or worse, disconnected from themselves.
But here’s the truth: There are other ways to create warmth and approachability in your appearance that don’t involve muting your natural strengths.
Why Muting Your Style Can Feel Like Muting Yourself
If you’re naturally high contrast – say, dark hair with light skin or bright eyes, then wearing low-contrast, muted colours can drain your energy, visually and emotionally. You feel less like yourself because, quite literally, your outer expression isn’t matching your inner design.
And while softer colours and lower contrast can create a sense of approachability (they’re considered yin elements in style), they’re just one piece of a much bigger style equation.
You don’t have to abandon what suits you just to seem more welcoming.
Yin and Yang: The Secret Language of Style
In the science of style, every design element carries energy. Some are more “yang” – bold, structured, commanding. Others are more “yin”—soft, flowing, approachable.
Many women assume that to appear less intimidating, they must shift to all yin: soft and light colours, unstructured shapes, and delicate prints. But this leads to a visual mismatch if your natural essence or colouring leans more yang.
Instead, you can balance your look by layering select yin elements into your existing style, without giving up your boldness, contrast, or drama.
Here’s How to Add Yin Without Losing Your Edge
If you’re working with a high-contrast, dramatic aesthetic, try incorporating these softer (yin) elements into your outfits:
1. Curved Lines
Straight, sharp lines feel more yang—assertive, structured, sometimes severe. Curved lines soften the effect. This could be as simple as choosing a round neckline over a sharp collar, or a softly draped wrap dress instead of a tailored sheath.
2. Lighter-Weight Fabrics
Swap stiff or heavy materials (like tweed or structured wool) for flowing, tactile options like silk, viscose, or lightweight knit. Even a dramatic silhouette feels more inviting in a fabric that moves with ease.
3. Soft Surface Textures
Texture speaks volumes. Velvet, cashmere, brushed cotton—these fabrics invite touch. They communicate warmth and gentleness, without requiring you to sacrifice your contrast or bold colour palette.
4. Approachable Patterns
Geometric or angular prints tend to feel more yang. Consider incorporating florals, watercolour prints, or organic shapes if you want to signal openness while still maintaining visual interest.
If jumping straight from dark to light feels too stark, create a “ladder” of contrast. For example, instead of pairing pure black with white, go from black to charcoal to dove grey to cream. You’ll still have the contrast your features need, just in a way that feels more harmonious and less harsh.
Approachable ≠ Bland
Too often, I see smart, capable women dilute their style in an effort to blend in or avoid judgment. But dulling your presence won’t make you more lovable, it just makes you more challenging to see.
The key is to lead with self-honouring choices. If high contrast, structure, and dramatic elements are part of your visual identity, own them. Then, use yin-infused design choices to round out the edges—not to erase your impact.
If You’re Tired of Feeling Misunderstood…
Style is a powerful communicator. It’s not just about what you wear, it’s about how others read you before you say a word. But the goal isn’t to people-please through your clothing. The goal is to align how you feel with how you show up.
Approachability doesn’t require invisibility. It requires intentionality.
You can be magnetic and warm.
Bold and relatable.
Powerful and kind.
You get to choose style elements that express both your essence and your values, without sacrificing one for the other.
Want to Explore This Further?
If this idea resonates, you’ll love diving deeper into the yin and yang of personal style in my 7 Steps to Style program. We go far beyond colour palettes and body shapes; we uncover the why behind what works, so you can feel confident in every outfit you put on.
Your presence is a gift. Let’s make sure your wardrobe reflects that – without compromise.
