Around this time of year I usually publish a ranking of the highest rated comments on Stereogum articles from the past 12 months. However, in November we relaunched on a new platform, and its commenting software no longer gives me this information. Maybe this list will kick off a different annual tradition.
Before I get into it, I wanna thank all of you who have supported us with a paid membership. Your money allows us to pay the writers, editors, photographers, designers, and everyone else who contributes to our publication. Stereogum turns 24 years old tomorrow and without financial support from readers we would not be reaching this milestone.
It was a great year for music and an equally great year for cursed new phrases in our lexicon. Labubu. Standing on business. The quarter zip movement. Aura farming. Dubai chocolate. Ballerina Cappuccina. Nothing beats a Jet2Holiday. Coldplay kiss cam. “ChatGPT-induced psychosis.” Six-seveeeeen. Stereogum is mostly about artist discovery, but we will consider any story as long as relates to music, and especially one that’s absurd.
I am pretty sure I wrote all the headlines in the list below, but to be fair a lot of them wrote themselves and also if you don’t like any let’s say Tom wrote them. So keep scrolling for a curtain call on some of the least important and most amusing music stories of the year. See you all tonight at Danzig Sings Elvis at House Of Blues Anaheim and thanks for reading!
100 Primus Announce New Frying Pan (Feb. 11)
99 Beatboxing Nuns Respond To Going On Viral On Brazilian TV (May 28)
98 Bryan Adams’ Perth Concert Canceled Due To Sewer Fatberg (Feb. 10)
97 Lana Del Rey Previews Ethel Cain Diss Track (Aug. 14)
96 Car Smashes Into Billy Corgan’s Tea Shop For The Second Time In Six Months (April 30)
95 Kesha Trolls Astronaut Katy Perry With Wendy’s Photo (April 15)
94 Anthony Kiedis Launches “Concert-Friendly” Canned Coffee Brand (May 12)
93 Jeezy Took A 10-Hour Uber Drive To His Baltimore Concert (Aug. 13)
92 Sleep Token Unleash Debut Coloring Book (Dec. 8)
91 Big Boi Announces Washing Machine That Plays “So Fresh, So Clean” (Aug. 22)
90 Grimes Shares Creepy Single “Artificial Angels,” Reveals Face Tattoo (Oct. 17)
89 Timothée Chalamet Won’t Say Whether He’s Really EsDeeKid (Dec. 11)
88 Latest Ice Spice Backlash Is Over Her SpongeBob Movie Premiere Outfit (Dec. 12)
87 Fyre Festival Acquired By LimeWire, Beating Ryan Reynolds In eBay Auction (Sept. 16)
86 Viral Résumé Guy Accepts Inevitable Jonas Brothers Meeting (Nov. 14)
85 Gwar Share PSA About Trump Bill’s Threat To Public Media (July 16)
84 Michelle Williams Meets Michelle Williams (April 17)
83 DIIV Accept $1 Million Novelty Check From ExxonMobile Onstage In LA (May 26)
82 Conor Oberst Loses Conor Oberst Lookalike Contest (Aug. 2)
81 Bloomington Theater Apologizes For Unruly Jeff Tweedy Fans (Nov. 24)
80 Smokey Robinson Says Rape Accuser Raided His Storage Unit, Her Lawyer Claims Security Video Could Be “AI Fabrication” (Dec. 11)
79 French Montana Performs For Dozens At Billy McFarland’s Fyre Fest Follow-Up (Dec. 8)
78 Blue Wiggle Accused Of Financial Misconduct (Aug. 27)
77 Kiefer Sutherland Turned “In The Air Tonight” Into An Orchestral Waltz (Feb. 11)
76 StubHub Apologizes For Promoting “Lamb Of God” Christmas Show As A Concert By The Metal Band (Dec. 24)
75 Blues Traveler’s John Popper Won’t Stop Harping On Alanis Morissette’s “Hand In My Pocket” (Dec. 3)
74 Central Cee Joins Quarter Zip Movement (Nov. 27)
73 PinkPantheress Gifted Rotisserie Chicken Onstage In Chicago (Nov. 3)
72 KISS Honored By Donald Trump, Gene Simmons Blames “Bad Decisions” For Ace Frehley’s Death (Dec. 8)
71 The Pretenders’ Chrissie Hynde Shares Angry Eulogy For Mission: Impossible Composer (June 30)
70 You Can Now Book Your Kid’s Bar Mitzvah At Madame ZuZu’s And Billy Corgan Might Even Jam With Him (Dec. 10)
69 Foo Fighters And Nine Inch Nails Are Swapping Drummers (July 30)
68 DJ Khaled Releases Terrible Smurfs Song, Receives “RIP Drake” Casket (Feb. 21)
67 Korn Frontman Drops New Pet Apparel Capsule, Sits In Haunted Chair (April 23)
66 Gambino Landscape Lighting Shares Exclusive Fleetwood Mac News (May 20)
65 Geordie Greep Finally Collaborates With The “I Am Rectangular” Guy (Jan. 25)
64 Yellowjackets’ Christina Ricci Has No Love For Live (Feb. 20)
63 UK Influencer Livestreams Encounter With Ringo Starr, Who He Doesn’t Recognize (Dec. 14)
62 Billie Eilish Announces New UNO Deck After Calling Out Its “Garbage” Rules (Aug. 26)
61 Nicki Minaj’s MAGA Turn Culminates In Appearance With Erika Kirk At Turning Point Festival (Dec. 21)
60 Cops Shut Down Lorde’s NYC Pop-Up Minutes Before It Begins (April 22)
59 Evil G.I. Joe Metal Band Honors Ozzy Osbourne At Their First-Ever Concert (July 25)
58 Febuary Address Ex-Bassist’s Claim She Was Kicked Out For Not Being Emo Enough (July 10)
57 Jello Biafra Is Auctioning His Beat-Up 1989 Toyota Celica GT Convertible (Dec. 13)
56 Cheating Coldplay Concertgoer’s Company Corrects Claims About Viral Video (July 18)
55 Machine Gun Kelly Samples Third Eye Blind, Says His Haters Are “Conformists,” Only Eats A “Couple Times A Week” (Aug. 7)
54 Former KISS Guitarist Defends $225 Single, Former Drummer Explains $1,000 Album (Dec. 28)
53 The Who Fire Zak Starkey Again (May 18)
52 Miley Cyrus Hates Paper (Dec. 5)
51 Fleetwood Mac Rep Says The Band Is Not Reuniting For J.K. Rowling’s Birthday Party (Sept. 21)
50 Oasis And Morgan Wallen Say Fans Are Safe From Kiss Cams, Coldplay Now Providing Heads Up (July 21)
49 Yngwie Malmsteen Announces New Protein Powder (July 10)
48 Rep. Hank Johnson Sings Jason Isbell Parody About Epstein Files (July 9)
47 Imagine Dragons Song Lands On The Moon (March 9)
46 Weezer Bassist’s Wife Shot By Police (April 10)
45 Gene Simmons Tells Senators That Musicians Are Treated “Worse Than Slaves” (Dec. 9)
44 Gene And Dean Ween’s Kids Cover Ween In Their First Show Together, Reiterate “We Are Not Ween” (March 31)
43 Ariana Grande Asks Angry Brazilians Not To Wish Danger On Her (Nov. 4)
42 Geese And Goose Are Finally On The Same Festival Lineup (On The Same Day Too) (April 24)
41 DJ Padre Guilherme, A Portuguese Priest, Goes Viral For Wild Super Mario Drop At Medusa Festival (Aug. 26)
40 Mariah Carey Partners With Amazon Rainforest, Amazon.com (Sept. 17)
39 Henry Rollins Clarifies That New Record He Made With Ian MacKaye Features Neither Of Them (Nov. 8)
38 David Yow Auctioning Jesus Lizard Memorabilia And Bulk Psyllium Husks (Sept. 23)
37 Billy Corgan Discovers Geese, Says They Should Fight Goose (Nov. 25)
36 Gene Simmons Selling $12,495 Personal Assistant/Roadie Experience, Concert Ticket Not Included (March 11)
35 Beach Ball-Gate Day Seven: Garbage’s Shirley Manson Gives Context For Cursing Out Festivalgoer (Dec. 11)
34 Someone Is Trying To Sell Ariel Pink’s Refrigerator On eBay (Dec. 1)
33 Bon Iver Announce More Than Two Dozen SABLE, fABLE Brand Collabs For Fragrance, Matcha, Flowers, Smoked Salmon, & More (April 10)
32 Ariana Grande Would Very Much Like To Be Excluded From 6-7 Narrative (Dec. 7)
31 They’re Saying Superman Is Punk Now (July 16)
30 Boy Hits Car Concert Canceled After Truck Hits Venue (May 10)
29 Lily Allen’s New Album Now Available On Butt Plug-Shaped USB (Dec. 3)
28 White House Posts Second Sabrina Carpenter Edit Promoting ICE After She Gets First One Blocked (Dec. 7)
27 Joe Perry Threatens Aerosmith Reunion (July 1)
26 A Seventeen X Sacai Labubu Wearing Carhartt WIP Sold For $31,250 On Pharrell’s Joopiter (July 19)
25 Rod Stewart Tour Features AI Video Of Ozzy Osbourne Taking Selfies With Music Icons In Heaven (August 3)
24 The Bruce Springsteen Movie Is Totally Inaccurate With Regard To His Feelings About Mustard (Oct. 29)
23 Lea Michele Proves She Can Read (May 8)
22 Daft Punk’d: Former Kraftwerk Member Tricked Into Collaborating With Thomas Bangalter Imposter (March 31)
21 Justin Timberlake Goes Viral For Sucking In Transylvania (July 23)
20 New Documentary Reveals How Elton John Turned His Kneecaps Into Jewelry (Sept. 15)
19 d4vd Thanks Concertgoers And Throws Out Labubus As Coroner Releases Details About Murder Victim Found In His Tesla (Sept. 10)
18 Black Flag Unveil New Gen Z Lineup (May 17)
17 Burning Man Orgy Dome Has Fallen (Aug. 27)
16 Scooby-Doo Dropped An Album Of Lofi Hip Hop Radio Beats To Relax/Study To (Sept. 12)
15 Another Used Rock Refrigerator Hits The Los Angeles Black Market (Dec. 16)
14 Mark Ronson Hospitalized In DJ Accident (April 2)
13 Crowded House Refute AI Newscast: “Neil’s Never Had Trouble With Erections” (August 13)
12 Diplo’s Hanging Out With Robert F. Kennedy Jr. Now (Dec. 27)
11 Paul Anka Finally Breaks His Legendary Silence About Frank Sinatra’s Penis Size (Dec. 1)
10 Vitriol Members Quit, Abandon Frontman At Gas Station (Nov. 24)
9 They’re Making Paul Anka Describe Frank Sinatra’s Penis Again (Dec. 3)
8 Bob Dylan Announces New Machine Gun Kelly Album (June 10)
7 Drake Claims T.I.’s Friend Never Urinated On Him (Nov. 14)
6 Grimes DJing Immortality Influencer’s Shroom Trip With Special Guest Mr. Beast (Nov. 29)
5 Clipse React To Labubu’s Demon Energy (July 17)
4 Jim Morrison Is Alive And Living In Syracuse, Documentary Claims (March 14)
3 Stevie Wonder Says He Is Blind (July 16)
2 Rob Lowe Was Once So Coked-Up That He Recorded A Demo With Toto (Jan. 10)
1 Korn Concertgoer Beat Up Then Ejected For Public MastuЯbation (Aug. 29)
(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne
— Rotten thing to say (@oldfriend99) December 13, 2023
